Five Characteristics of Stupid Criminals

Stupid criminals are everyone's favorite joke. The news, television shows, and Internet videos all enjoy making fun of stupid criminals. It is always comforting to know that there is someone out there who is dumber than we are.

There are a number of characteristics that most stupid criminals share. For instance:

Characteristic Number 1: They never have a plan. Even the fact that so many of them get caught on camera proves this, as a smart criminal would never leave behind a sure-fire way to get caught. Additionally, these dumb offenders never seem to have any idea what to do next, instead bumbling through a series of mistakes that inevitably ends with them getting caught.

Characteristic Number 2: They typically take an average crime and screw it up beyond belief. Take, for instance, the liquor store robber who climbed into the building through the roof at night. Never mind the tried-and-true technique of entering the store masked and armed and demanding all the money in the cash register, this guy decided he was going to reinvent the wheel. Unfortunately, his bright idea didn't work out so well after all: He couldn't figure out how to get back out of the store afterward, and the security cameras caught the whole thing on video anyway.

Characteristic Number 3: They give themselves away. Some people seem to forget that this is the twenty-first century, and that there are such things as fingerprinting, video cameras, and other technology for tracking down criminals. As a result, you often find these outlaws forgetting to wear a mask and gloves, or take other precautions for preventing themselves from being discovered.

Characteristic Number 4: They never know when the game is up. In the 1990s, there was a video of a man who was pulled over for speeding, and then ran away from the cop on foot, never mind that the cop had his keys, his license, and his car. A lot of stupid criminals are like this: They just don't know when to quit. Running or fighting when you are good and caught is always a bad idea.

Characteristic Number 5: They almost always get caught. One hallmark of a stupid criminal is that he almost always lands himself in jail. Part of what is so funny about these crooks is that the mistakes they make almost always result in them getting caught.

Stupid criminals always do the darnedest things. There are a lot of them out there, but thankfully this usually means more entertainment for us. If someone you know tends to exhibit these traits, chances are you know a stupid criminal.

Posted in: Hated but Funny